How to have an awesome family

FIGHTING FOR AN AWESOME FAMILY

Awesome Relationships – Part 2

Rick Warren

November 1-2, 2014

When the family of Israel was under attack the prohet Nehemiah (4:14) said:
"Do not be afraid. Remember the Lord Who is awesome, 

and fight for your brothers and sons and daughters, your wives and homes."

Your family is worth fighting for!

Don't give up.

It is not too late for success.

4 TRAITS OF AWESOME FAMILIES:

1. AWESOME FAMILIES ENJOY LIFE TOGETHER:

The wisest man that ever lived:
"Solomon": “I commend the enjoyment of life . . .” Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NIV)
Children develop as they play.  Play is important. God wants life to be enjoyed, not just endured.
God created everything in life for enjoyment.

“People ought to enjoy every day of their lives, no matter how long they
live.” Ecclesiastes 11:8a (NCV)

Because you do not know how long you will live, you should do all the living you can while you can. Enjoy life with your children, because they will not be with you forever.

Children need to know they are loved and that their family can have fun together.
People won't remember what you say, but they will always remember how you make them feel.

 “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love . . .” Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV)
The greatest love the parents can give their children is to love each other. It creates comfort and security and stability. Loving kindnesses is great role modeling and training on how relationships in marriage should be.

“Children are a gift from God.” Psalm 127:3 (LB)
Sometimes they are a gift you would like to exchange.
But gifts are meant to be enjoyed.

“I recommend having fun . . . That way you will experience some happiness
along with all the hard work God gives you.” Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NLT)

Playing board games together is a good way to connect with your children.
Interaction among family is deemed the favorite experience and memory children have.
Time with parents and grandparents doing fun things and being playful is most important.
Awesome families are playful and fun.
The average family is all work and no play... this needs to change.
Children always like to spend time with their family and have fun together.
Family is not "boot camp or a business or lab experiment",  There is no perfect child or family.
Children don't need stuff, they need your time and attention.


2. AWESOME FAMILIES LEARN & DEVELOP:
Like gardens families need to be nourished, cared for and attended to. Everybody needs to be encouraged to continue to grow.  When people stop growing they become boring.  Awesome families develop, learn, and take on new challenges.

“Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with man.”
Luke 2:52 (NIV)
We grow in 4 main areas:

1. Intellectually
2. Physically
3. Spiritually
4. Socially

What Do We Learn From Our Families?
Most of your problems arise because you did not correctly learn appropriate behaviors and skills from childhood.  We learn from our families how to deal with:

• Feelings: How to deal with how you feel.  Telling children to stop crying and expressing their emotions is toxic and creates problems in relationships later. Learning to name their emotions and identify the problems and how to resolve it.
• Conflict resolution. People who don't learn how to deal with conflict become a maniac or martyr.  Victim or Victimizer.  And they tend to marry each other.  One is a skunk (aggressor) One is a turtle (avoidance)
• How to handle loss and grieve.  There are lots of losses in life, big and small.  Nobody wins all the time.  Winning all the time is detrimental, because failure teaches us that we can survive and learn from it. Proverbs 24:16 "Even when good people fall seven times, they will get back up again."  Resilience is important.  The leaders in the world don't give up and keep trying. 
• What values matter most.  The world teaches values we don't agree with. The world teaches about vanity - everything is about money, pleasure, sex, beauty, praise.  Media is teaching children things that are false.
• There are 3 temptations: The pride of life, lust of eyes, lust of flesh.
  Summed up it is: how I feel, what I do, and what I get in life.
  Hedonism, Secularism, Materialism:   Advertisers appeal to these 3 areas to tempt us with their products.  Teach kids to recognize these false values & deception and guard against them.
• Good habits: Habits determine character. Manners make the man!

How to help your family grow:

• THROUGH PROPER ROLE MODELING:

 Jesus: “Since I have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.
I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.”
John 13:14-15 (NLT)

Kids don't want to hear a sermon, they want to see it.

• THROUGH CONVERSATIONS & EDUCATION:

“You must teach God’s commandments to your children and talk about
them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing
in the morning.” Deuteronomy 6:7 (LB)
These are the teachable moments.  Take advantage of doing this regularly.

• NOT THROUGH HARSH CRITICISM :

“Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and
resentful. Instead bring them up with the loving training and teaching of the
Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

Criticism, nagging, complaining never works.
It focuses on what you don't want, instead of what you do want.
You paint a picture of the wrong thing... instead of the right thing to do.
Criticism reinforces the negative and labels people, it makes people fail and give up, they feel they can't please you.
Promote the positive alternative: repentance - change.

• NOT THROUGH COMPARISONS:

“Each person should judge his own actions and not compare himself with
others. Then he can be proud for what he himself has done.”
Galatians6:4 (NCV)

Everybody is unique and different, and incomparable.
You should NEVER compare anything or anybody.
Comparing is unhelpful, unfair, and lethal to relationships.

There are 2 kinds of pride: 
Comparison pride is wrong & bad & becomes sin.
Being proud of accomplishments and good is right.

3. AWESOME FAMILIES SUPPORTIVE & PROTECT EACH OTHER.
Matthew 5:45
"It rains on both the good and bad."  Everybody goes through storms in life.
When you go through a storm, you need protection and shelter.
Awesome families need to be a safe place to relax and
a refuge during tough times to escape and find peace.

The number one reason kids love their families, because they know their family takes care of them.

Change is a storm in life and can upset children especially.
Family needs to be around during times of change to help provide support.

Counseling is a good investment.  Coaching and advisors is helpful. Every pro hires somebody to provide the input, feedback and assistance to give them a new perspective and change.

Harmful ideas are bombarding our children.  18,000 hours of TV viewing and video games portray violence, sex and vulgar and harmful ideas.  Many kids are provided for, but not protected.  Parents need to watch what junk diet the kids are feeding on from electronics. Garbage in, garbage out. Bad parenting allows it.  We need to protect our children's mental health too.

“Two are better than one . . . If one of them falls down, the other can help
him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it’s just too bad, because there is
no one to help him.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (GN)

Rejection is a hard storm to go through.  Family needs to rally around and provide the affirmation and love and acceptance.  Sometimes just crying together - weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice.

Proverbs says a man who does not care for his own family is worse than an infidel.

4. AWESOME FAMILIES ARE LOVING, KIND, & HELPFUL & CARE ABOUT OTHERS:
Awesome families don't' just focus on themselves, but they care about others and serve God and others.  They teach their kids that they were made for a mission and shaped to serve God & others.
Hospitality is a great example to set for your children.  Treating everybody with respect and care.

Average families only care about themselves and are self centered.

“Let us think about each other and help each other to show love and do
good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24 (NCV)

5. AWESOME FAMILIES ARE DEVOTED TO GOD & EACH OTHER:

“He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; they gave generously to
those in need and prayed to God regularly.” Acts 10:2 (NIV)
Awesome families model generosity, service, care to others.
If children see you being kind and generous they will become kind and generous.
Teach children not to spend everything they get.  Teach to share, save and spend.
When they get something new... to share with others - it's an opportunity to pay it forward.

When you see a homeless person, treat them with dignity and respect.  Ask "what is your name?"
Give them something helpful like a bus pass or meal gift card or meal.

Children will see the way you treat others and care of the needy and learn how to treat strangers.
Do ministries together.  Missions are local and global - have bi-focal vision.
Cook & clean for people who are ill or injured.
Volunteer work abounds everywhere and it is what makes people great, by serving others.
It leaves a legacy of love and makes a good reputation

Awesome families are intentional. Making decisions, choices, sacrifices, commitments.  Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Pray together and play together to stay together!
“Choose today whom you will serve . . . As for me and my family,
we will serve the Lord!” Joshua 24:15 (NLT)

Who are you serving?
Yourself?
Money?
Job?
House?
Your own family?

Decide to become awesome...
Serve God and Others together.