FACING THE FEARS THAT
RUIN RELATIONSHIPS
50 Days of Transformation –Part 5
Rick Warren
February 22-23, 2014
GENESIS 3:6-19
“… so Eve ate some of the fruit. Then she also gave some to her husband,
Adam, who was with her, and he ate it.
Immediately, their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at
their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover up
themselves. Then they heard the Lord walking in the garden in the cool of
the day, and they hid from God among the trees. But God called out to
Adam, ‘Where are you? ’ Adam replied, ‘I heard you coming and
I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’
Then God asked, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten
from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?’
Adam said, ‘You gave me this woman and she gave me the fruit, so I ate
it.’ Then God said to Eve, ‘Why did you to this?’ Eve replied, ‘The serpent
deceived me, and I ate it.’
… So God said to Eve, ‘(Because you disobeyed me) you’ll have greater
trouble in pregnancy and great pain in childbirth. And though you’ll desire
your husband, he’s going to lord it over you.’
Then God said to Adam, ‘Because you also disobeyed me and sinned
with your wife, the ground you work is now cursed. And though you’ll get
to eat what you planted, your fields will have weeds, and thorns and
thistles, and for the rest of your life you’ll have to sweat and work hard to
get your food until you yourself are returned to the dirt that I used to
create you. ’”
Rick's fun commentary:
The problems began with the first relationship of Adam & Eve.
God didn't need us, but he wanted a family, that is why he created us to have relationship with him.
God realized it was not good for man to be alone. He made us for relationships.
God created man out of dirt - that's why men don't mind getting dirty.
God created women out of man... near his heart, to be loved by him.
When adam saw Eve, he said, "Whoa - Man!!! = Woman.
Eve was the only woman in the world for Adam... so they truly were each other's one and only love.
The middle letter of sIn and prIde is "I".
Satan tempted Eve and Adam by promising they could be as "God".
We always want to be in control of our own life... instead of trusting and obeying God.
Sin causes pain and hardship. The curse included pain and work.
HOW OUR FEARS RUIN RELATIONSHIPS
1. MY FEAR OF EXPOSURE MAKES ME DISTANT
Why is it hard to get close to people and experience intimacy?
There are a lot of things you don't like or accept about yourself.
You will hide those flaws and failures and it will keep you hiding and aloof.
It is when we admit and accept ourselves and the problem as it is, then we can move forward.
“God called to Adam, ‘Why are you hiding?’ Adam said, ‘I was
afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’” Gen. 3:9-10 (LB/TEV)
Fear always makes us hide and pretend.
What are you hiding? Fearful?
You are as sick as your secrets.
Sin separates us from God.
“… they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness” vs. 7a (NLT)
Shame is wrapped in fear and embarassment.
Shame makes me nervous, more self conscious, anxious, afraid of humiliation, afraid to take risks.
“So they sewed fig leaves to cover up themselves.” vs. 7b
Sin makes us cover up. To hide our wrongs.
People hide behind things - they pretend to be something they are not by their status symbols, clothes, etc.
What ways do you use to cover up?
Humor - is a tool to keep people at a distance.
Image - facade to appear on the outside what lacks on the inside. Many hide behind an online image .
“Then they hid from God among the trees.” vs. 8
Distance from God.
God does not expect us to be perfect. But He does expect us to be honest.
2. MY FEAR OF DISAPPROVAL MAKES ME DEFENSIVE
“God asked, ‘Did you eat … what I told you not to eat?’ Adam
answered, ‘YOU gave me this woman and SHE gave me the fruit!’
Gen. 3:11-12
Every relationship experiences this because of our fears.
Criticism causes defensiveness, because we are afraid of rejection.
We change from hiding to hurling stones at others.
Excusing to accusing.
“Then Eve said, ‘The SNAKE tricked me into eating!’” Gen. 3:13
(TEV)
3. MY FEAR OF LOSING CONTROL MAKES ME DEMANDING
The result of their sin:
“… You’ll have yearning for your husband, but he will lord it over
you…” vs. 16 (NJB) “… he will dominate you …” (Ber)
3. MY FEAR OF LOSING CONTROL MAKES ME DEMANDING
Battles results.
The more out of control you feel, the more controlling you become.
Bullies are the most insecure people. They are deeply frightened so they put on a persona of "macho, bad boy, tough guy".
THE ANTIDOTE: LEARN TO LIVE IN GOD’S LOVE
“Wherever God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect
love drives out all fear.” 1 John 4:18a (NCV)
When you fully experience God's love it drives out fear.
“It is the thought of punishment (negative consequences) that
makes a person fearful.” 1 John 4:18b (NCV)
1. EVERYDAY SURRENDER MY HEART TO GOD
“Surrender your heart to God, turn to him in prayer, and give up
your sins— even those you do in secret. Then you won't be
ashamed; you will be confident and fearless. Your troubles will
go away like water beneath a bridge, and your darkest night will
be brighter than noon. Then you’ll rest safe and secure, filled
with hope and emptied of worry!” Job 11:13-18 (CEV)
2. EVERYDAY REMEMBER THE WAY GOD LOVES ME
o I’M COMPLETELY ACCEPTED
“Jesus made us acceptable to God.” Titus 3:7 (CEV)
o I’M UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED
“M y love for you will never end says the Lord.” Isaiah 54:10
o I’M TOTALLY FORGIVEN
“There is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus!” Rom. 8:1
o I’M CONSIDERED EXTREMELY VALUABLE
“You’ve been bought and paid for by Christ’s death.” 1 Cor. 7:23
3. EVERYDAY OFFER THAT SAME LOVE TO OTHERS
“Accept one another just as Christ accepted you.” Rom. 15:7
“Love never stops being patient,
Love never stops believing,
Love never stops hoping,
Love never give up!”
1 Cor. 13:7 (GW)
This is real love.... this is how to be a great lover - Love others as GOD loves you!
Love extends grace. God is so gracious with you, be more gracious and kind towards others.
Love expresses faith. You believe in God. God believes in you. You accepted Christ. Christ accepted you.
Love never stops believing.
Love expects the best. It never stops hoping. Even in discouragement you still expect the best.
Love endures the worst, it never gives up.
Real love casts out all fear.
It removes distance, defensiveness, desire to demand and dominate.
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